April, 8th, 2005 Friday
There is a time for departure even when there's no certain place to go. I don't need anyone to take advantage of my weaknesses or my strengths, I need someone who will appreciate me for everything that I am.
This evening at the weight room, the monster got into me again and all I felt was damn bloody agitated. Its been quite awhile that I could actually feel my own presence and intensity...so real. I was just tired, hungry, pissed and moody. But somehow, I heaved those poundages that only when on my best days I perform. I guess it was the anger that pushes me to the limit. The psychotic me was back, I smile in the face of the heavy ass weights and pain to come. Only in the weight room, I get to be myself. I don't care this 'who and who' thinks that I'm a big time show-off or that 'who and who' thinks that I'm putting on a freakshow for everyone. I don't need your applause, I don't need your jealous stares, I don't need your sacarstic remarks, I don't need no shit. I just want to put a hundred percent and one into everything I do.
People ask me why I seldom smile. The fact is that I think its because I have found no reason to smile. I don't think the world around us is amusing. Everywhere is so damn cold to me. People around judge you simply by the exterior. who the hell cares about whats burning within that skin, flesh and bones? No one cares for what you dream. Its a selfish world to me....for a moment. And now, I've found the reason to smile again. It takes me a life time to find someone like her that made me feel my heart beats again. and when I've found her now, I knew I had the reason to smile. And the more you love, the more you lose a part of you. Yet you dont become less of you are, instead you end up being complete.
To love someone is to see a miracle invisible to others. and she is the miracle in my life.
This evening at the weight room, the monster got into me again and all I felt was damn bloody agitated. Its been quite awhile that I could actually feel my own presence and intensity...so real. I was just tired, hungry, pissed and moody. But somehow, I heaved those poundages that only when on my best days I perform. I guess it was the anger that pushes me to the limit. The psychotic me was back, I smile in the face of the heavy ass weights and pain to come. Only in the weight room, I get to be myself. I don't care this 'who and who' thinks that I'm a big time show-off or that 'who and who' thinks that I'm putting on a freakshow for everyone. I don't need your applause, I don't need your jealous stares, I don't need your sacarstic remarks, I don't need no shit. I just want to put a hundred percent and one into everything I do.
People ask me why I seldom smile. The fact is that I think its because I have found no reason to smile. I don't think the world around us is amusing. Everywhere is so damn cold to me. People around judge you simply by the exterior. who the hell cares about whats burning within that skin, flesh and bones? No one cares for what you dream. Its a selfish world to me....for a moment. And now, I've found the reason to smile again. It takes me a life time to find someone like her that made me feel my heart beats again. and when I've found her now, I knew I had the reason to smile. And the more you love, the more you lose a part of you. Yet you dont become less of you are, instead you end up being complete.
To love someone is to see a miracle invisible to others. and she is the miracle in my life.
posted by Freakazoid at 1:00 AM
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