April, 3rd, 2005 Sunday(1:51am....)

I'm still pretty much drunk. its been years since i've gotten myself this drunk. I don't like the feeling of being drunk all the long while, but this time round, i seems to take it well. I wanted to get drunk. I went to drink on the purpose to get drunk. I wanted to freeze all the thoughts going on in my mind. I need to free myself off all these. I could go insane. Well it sorta help abit, cos i was out cold for 2 hrs after more than a dozen of e thrity threes. cos i knew that was the fastest way to get myself drunk. I'm not here nor there, i'm half done now, half conscious, half awake. still feeling quite numb. reactions turned slow. vision still unclear. there's a saying that goes, " if you ain't part of the solution, you're part of the problem". and I don't wanna be the problem to you. I just wanna do whatever I could, I should and if you ask for, I would. I just wanna take on and share your burden, your worries. I just don't wanna see you being so stressed and tired. My heart aches whenever I see that. All I can do is to lessen your burden...in whatever ways I can.