May, 1st, 2005 Sunday(2:44am....)

i don't know how the hell did i still managed to login. i'm pretty wasted now. just don't feel good. just don't feel right. its like being short-changed of something...taken for granted for whatever reasons. this whole life of mine, i've been searching for reasons for every event that took place. but its this attitude that i sometimes got myself into some serious upset feeling. why do i have to keep on searching when there's no reason. why, am i still so hard headed. why, am i so reluctant to bow down to fate..... and why, i've got myself so fucking wasted week after week... why...i guess nobody would have the damn answer. i guess only the guy up high above know what i'm going through. and i hope he is not yet again playing some sick jokes on me....