May, 8th, 2005 Sunday(11:47pm...)

i don't know what to say now. i don't know how to deal with the indescribable pain now. i don't even find a reason to breathe now. why? why you must do this to me again. am i of no importance to you at all? am i just redundant? is everything you showed just an illusion? or am i just a puppet that has its strings attached to your fingers and you just slowly rip the strings one by one to let me lose my life? you know something? i've brought myself too far. too far to a point of no return. i feel worse than dying now. i feel like crying, but the tears are flowing in my heart. i ask for nothing, maybe if you could just take a minute to think of how would i feel if you were me, you would maybe...just maybe understand what is it like to be ripped apart deep inside. i would now certainly prefer death than living without a soul. what you did was like you looking into my eyes and telling me you want me to die. i think nothing in this world could compare to this kind of feeling. absolutely nothing.