December, 31st, 2005 Saturday

the last day of the year

Well, guess what. The year is coming to an end. This is the last day of this freaking year. You know, as the New Year approaches, the day of reckoning is upon us. Screw the mindless impulse of a hundred broken resolutions. You know you hear that shit all the time, 'losing a couple of pounds' or 'running a 5k...' That shit is freaking child's play. Don't insult me and yourself with all that bullshit.

Scream to yourself. '2006. Step up or get stepped on'. Yeah, thats more like it. The time is here to wipe the slate clean and attack your goals. Screw the waiting and hesitating, forget doubt and insecurity. At work or in the weightroom, the stacks of unfinished projects and the piles of rusty iron plates, your destiny awaits you.

In your dreams--the detailed, vivid ones that you don't talk about at cocktail parties, your future lies in wait. It is a matter of splashing some cold water on your face, staring into the mirror and realizing that time will pass, opportunity will fade, and your day will never come if you don't take the bull by the fucking horns...

Today. Be in the mix, be a player in the game and whatever shit you are tasked upon on. Immerse yourself in the process. There is no time as valauble as the present moment, no mission more crucial than the task at hand. With this approach, and a solemn internal pledge to never let your dream die on the vine, you can be unstoppable. Screw all the disappointments of the past. I had my enormous share of that shit. The day is here. The time is now.

looking good again at yang ming shan (taipei)

December, 24th, 2005 Saturday

was out of town for the whole of prevoius week. took a 4hrs SIA flight to taiwan-taipei. and i was really shocked to see that the standard of the stewardess drop so drastically. i mean, they looked okay but i do strongly feel that there are surely local girls that looked tenfolds better then them. enough of the flight, or rather fright. touched down at taipei at around noon and the weather there was far from cool. its freaking cold.

looking good at zhong zhen ji nian tang - taipei

went straight to the hotel and threw all the luggages there and we set off for makan immediately! was freaking sleepy and hungry!ate alot of awesome junk food there everyday and i wouldnt get tired of it! went sight-seeing at a few places and everyday was shop, eat and walk. i think the cardio from hrs of walking is equivalent to me doing a mth of stationary bike here. on the whole, this was a short fun trip, but i think it would be better if the girls there could stop staring at me and asking for my number....but who could resist a babe-magnet?

December, 10th, 2005 Saturday

Haven't been able to hit the weight room really hard this week cos there are too many things to be done. But whenever I've got a chance to wrap those hands 'round the cold iron bar, I make sure it won't be an easy workout. Did arms this evening. Was sorta out of gas. But I still grind out those presses and curls from hell. I still push myself to the limit. In fact, I pushed myself to the limit in almost everything I do.

At times during my life, I noticed people making excuses for their shortcomings. Even me myself did it. Think about it, every day we find ten reasons why we missed the mark. Be it training, work, family, or things in other areas of our lives. Maybe it's natural to seek a scapegoat rather than take personal responsibility. After all, personal responsibility is so out of fashion this season. Fuck it. We can do better… I know we can do better.

Whatever should befall you, I think we should at least try to resist the urge to make excuses. Ok, I do make up alot of excuses before, just to think that it was an easy way out. I mean, an excuse is a lot like a complaint--it insults everyone around you and makes you look silly and fucked up. A complete idiot who slaps himself with a bottle shafted up his ass walking along orchard road on saturday nights would best describe that.

Tough times make tough men, and if you can be tougher than the ground you walk on, you are tough enough to beat a path into this earth for others to recognize and follow. I think that would be a real accomplishment in this world of shrunken expectations and lost dignity.

December, 2nd, 2005 Friday

Muscle dysmorphia is a bitch. And it is a part of every bodybuilder’s life. If you train hard and your goal is to get big, odds are you see yourself as small. Damn. Everyone is telling me i'm growing big, but i constantly see myself as small. Why do I endeavor to be huge? What was it in my formative years that skewed my vision of the ideal human form? Was it He-Man? Was it the comic books? Those superhero shoulders? Those monstrous arms that hoist sick faggots like yaokun like a rag doll and smash him on the wall?

Something went wrong somewhere along the way. For sick faggots like yaokun, he turned into a sick perverted gay. But for me, somewhat seems wrong, seems to be right. I became a superhero, a people's champ, or something like that. Part of it comes from the fact that I seek balance. I’ve always seen myself as an intellectual, but I’ve always sought to have my exterior match my mind. I also think the outer shell serves as armor. It protects the inner nice guy. And indeed I am. Damn it, quit giggling or there'll be no more Mr Nice guy. It allows me to be a sheep in wolf’s clothing. As you progress, your goals change. I remember being an average joe of 64kg before all the blood, tears and sweat in and out of the weight room. 3 yrs flew by and I'm hitting the scales at 88kg.

Then I hit 90kg by another half yr's time. But quickly i knew i was way too heavy and puffy. So i dropped from 90 to 78 in a 4 months diet phase. Now, back to 83.5kg, which i manage to put on 5kg in 1 1/2. I looked much better. Everyone in the gym is telling me i looked much better, and i was quite satisfied with the fact.

Every blood dripping rep, every teeth grinding set. That drive, that desire. That need to be better… To never be satisfied. It’s both a gift and a curse. What’s 90kg gonna look like again? I’ll let you know when I get there.