March, 31st, 2005 Thursday

If you told me to cry for you I could
If you told me to die for you I would
Take a look at my face
There's no price I won't pay

March, 31st, 2005 Thursday

still missing her...still longing to see her...still loving her very much
and i hope she feels the same for me too... because... she's becoming part of me... because she's everything good in my life...

March, 30th, 2005 Wednesday

it seems like i've been walking right into the wall far too many times...how many more obstacles are there ahead of me? one? two? a dozen? a hundred? a million? i don't know. sometimes i felt like giving up altogether. someone seems to be playing some kind of sick jokes on me for far too long. and i seriously don't think its funny. nothing comes smoothly for me in my life. maybe, that'll make me cherish what stays with me eventually. and nothing comes fair for me either, misjudged, misunderstood, neglected. and maybe that'll make me understand the meaning of living even more. and i just hope that someday, somewhere, someone would understand jerry more.....

March, 28th, 2005 Monday

There are many, far too many questions along the path of life, some will be answered and some just won't be. So, just let 'em be. Just let 'em be........

March, 20th, 2005 Sunday(2:19am....)

This lifestyle of ours provides shelter from the storm. Stresses, problems, lack of cash flow, career issues… Life can beat the living shit out of you if you let it. But no matter what shit sandwich you get served, it is no doubt a blessing to have the person you loved by your side sharing each and every bit of your ups and downs. Now I have got the strength to push through barriers, the determination to bring the best out of me. But I will learn to be a better person to understand, commit, trust and bring her the best. only the best in my life. only joy to her life. I need to tell her how she light up every second of the day. And in the moonlight, she just shine like a beacon on the bay.

March, 15th, 2005 Tuesday (10:51pm....)

Entry#2

the process to getting cut sucks. the thought of chicken breast and oatmeal send shivers down my spine. the taste and smell is just incredibly sickening. and i'm indeed getting lighter on the scales. i'm 81.6kg now. considering that i'm weighing at 90kg 4mths back, i had lost 8kg+. need more cardio. need more seperations in the fibres. need more concentrati0n. need more time.
projects started to flow in again at work. not a bad thing, at least I prefer being busy than acting busy. the problem is, all these doesn't seemed challenging anymore. I need new challenges. I need changes. I need to keep myself alive.
sometimes just felt so drained of energy at work. but whenever she calls, i get revived. =) and whenever i look at her pic, I got all the energy to push myself on. Thanks dear. with you by side now, I think I'm a much better person. you complete me. =))

March, 15th, 2005 Tuesday (10:23pm....)

Entry#1

When it comes to bodybuilding, a lot of people say that athletes are cut from the same "cookie cutter " mold, and to a certain extent, they are correct. Instead of doing things a little differently and trying to innovate and take the sport somewhere new, we often merely take the industry pulse or swallow the spoon-fed propaganda of the self-appointed gurus. There is a whole world of ideas in every small, shitty gym out there. Every small town has a kid who’s made peace with pain and sacrifice, and traded daily comfort for an inch here and a rep there. We are there. We pound our fucking heads in every single day for those inches and reps.Yes, we overtrain. No, we don't stop when it hurts… We don't lie around in our beds when we get the sniffles. When I cracked my ribcage months ago, after work, people ask, “Where are heading?” Where do you think? The fucking weight room, right the fuck where I belong. I'm in there with John Grimek, Steve Reeves, Reg Park, Ed Coan, Dorian Yates, and Mike Mentzer... Whenever I step into the weightroom, I take these warriors with me. They’re a part of me. I thank the men who came before us and I say, "Brothers, you were right." That is the legacy I take with me when I go to the weight room. People look at me and say this shit is unreal. They say I'm on roids. They don't fucking understand what is it like eating 8 meals a day until the point you swallow what you puke inorder to grow. they don't understand what the fuck is nutrition all about. I say' my friend I'm just getting started'. Talk is cheap. Come with me if you got the balls.

March, 12th, 2005 Saturday(1:47am...)

how good is good? how tough is tough? how enough is enough? how alive are you? push on. walk on. or even drag on. it doesn't matter how those people stare at you in disbelief like a complete idiot. one day, they'll understand the meaning of dedication. not obsession. quitters sucks, they fall and never gets up. how many times had you came across a person that completely dedicate his life into his passion? you hardly. mostly are those 'want to do it' but eventually they are done when they have not even did it. So, don't just say 'i want to do it'. Actions speak louder. Suck it up. Etche the damn thought into your mind and get off your ass now. right now. do it. live it. honour it.

March, 10th, 2005 Thursday(12:12am....)

Which one do you want to be? The windshield or the bug? The boxer or the bag? The pavement or the damn steamroller? Hell, I know what I am, and I’ve found out through countless failures and disappointments… The bottom line is, we all fall down. Muhammad Ali once said there is no shame in going down. The only shame is if you don't get back up. And if for any reason we were to fall, we better get the fuck up and pick up the pieces and fight back or we won't be deserving any respect from anyone. We grab hold of our life, our dreams, our passion, our desire to excel in this lifetime. That is why sometimes I chose to learn through the hard way… because everything we do can be simple yet complex, and through hell, I hope I've made myself a better person to face the cruel reality in our world. And when we’re out there in the world. Anyone who fools himself into believing otherwise is just pissing in the wind.
For once, I almost got myself into believing that love is just another legend, a faraway island, a never kingdom. just close your eyes and imagine you're all alone on a deserted island, and there's no hope of rescue, of ever seeing another person again in your life. that's the kind of thought that got etched into my mind after some previous heart piercing agony experiences. And then, along came jacey, she breathed life into my lifeless lonely world. I was awakened from the daze, she is the torch of the dark, the beat of my heart. I was mesmerized. I was captivated. I was vindicated. If its not her being here with me now, I would never feel complete. And I'll always cherish you girl. All my life.

March, 5th, 2005 Saturday(1:32am....)

My Walk

The road I walk down has had so many turns for someone as young as I am… So many trials, so many hurdles have stood in my way. The only way for me to succeed was to become totally committed to the idea that greatness wasn't something you went out and bought like a posh car or a house.
Greatness was having to become so ugly that you were beautiful, so rusty that you shined, and so driven you could run through a wall if there was even a chance to get one step closer to the truth.
In my life, situations, people and negativity became chains that tried to hold me down. I won't be chained to the earth. In all things that you do, do not strive to be admired or loved for the battles you have won. Keep your head down, your shoulder square to the wheel, and drive yourself beyond anything you ever thought possible.
I believe in living this way, you will soon be admired for the courage you have shown, the will to fight against all odds. You will be loved as only a true warrior can be loved. Don't talk the talk everyone else are talking about. walk your own walk.

March, 4th, 2005 Friday(4:39pm...)

this song has got what i wanna say and how i feel for you girl, its not original, but nonetheless, it spells my heart.

I could stay awake just to hear you breathing

Watch you smile while you are sleeping

While you're far away and dreaming

I could spend my life in this sweet surrender

I could stay lost in this moment forever

Every moment spent with you is a moment I treasure

I don't wanna close my eyes

I don't wanna fall asleep

'Cause I'd miss you baby

And I don't wanna miss a thing

'Cause even when I dream of you

The sweetest dream will never do

I'd still miss you baby

And I don't wanna miss a thing

Lying close to you feeling your heart beating

And i'm wondering what you're dreaming

Wondering if it's me you're seeing

Then I kiss your eyes

And thank God we're together

And I just wanna stay with you in this moment forever

Forever and Ever

I don't wanna close my eyesI don't wanna fall asleep

'Cause I'd miss you baby

And I don't wanna miss a thing

'Cause even when I dream of you

The sweetest dream will never do

I'd still miss you baby

And I don't wanna miss a thing

I don't wanna miss one smile

I don't wanna miss one kiss

Well, I just wanna be with you

Right here with you, just like this

I just wanna hold you close

Feel your heart so close to mine

And you'll stay here in this moment

For all the rest of time