May, 25th, 2005 Wednesday

I have a friend, a good friend of mine, that always remind me to live life with a smile. I think I will now my friend. After some very very deep thoughts, I realised that I shouldn't be so hard headed, shouldn't be so stubborn, shouldn't be so obstinate anymore. Learn to unclench and open up that fist that I've been grasping so tight for so long, too long in fact, and I'll breathe more easier and be more contented. Learn that I shouldn't place my expectations too high on someone or something, and my disappointment wouldn't be directly proportionate to it. Life goes on. Yesterday is just the dust on the shelf. Today is what I've got. With or without someone by my side, I still have to face life with a smile. But maybe with someone by my side to share my life, there will be more laughter and happiness. without that someone, I just have to share the joy with my incomplete self.

May, 22nd, 2005 Sunday(12:15pm....)

rear lats spread.

hell yeah.

make no mistake.

cut that shocked look.

close your damn gap.

feel free download for keeps.

this is my back.

May, 12th, 2005 Thursday

I've learned that its imperative to have courage when times may fail. Be not afraid to make a change. Take a chance on the inevitable. Make a difference in everything you do. Be the person who you were meant to be. Success is not born; it is made by those who seek to see the difference in everything, turning the impossible into a possible success.

May, 9th, 2005 Monday

Love, it has so many beautiful faces,
Sharing lives and sharing days...
My love, it had so many empty spaces,
I'm sharing a memory now,
I hope that's how it stays...
Now I'm deep inside love and still breathing,
She is holding my heart in her hand...
I'm the closest I've been to believing,
This could be love forever...
All throughout my life the reasons I've demanded...
But how can I reason with the reason I'm a man...
In a minute, I'm needing to hold her,
In an hour, I'm cold, cold as stone...
When she leaves it gets harder and harder to face life alone....
Now my dreams are filled with times when we're together...
Guess what I need from her,
is forever love...

May, 9th, 2005 Monday(12:25am....)

请你原谅我的坦白

你为何不乾脆灭绝我对爱情的憧憬
让我尽情的流泪，心碎
泪乾了不再後悔
心碎了不再执着
让我知道爱上了错的人
是这辈子最失败的误会

May, 8th, 2005 Sunday(11:47pm...)

i don't know what to say now. i don't know how to deal with the indescribable pain now. i don't even find a reason to breathe now. why? why you must do this to me again. am i of no importance to you at all? am i just redundant? is everything you showed just an illusion? or am i just a puppet that has its strings attached to your fingers and you just slowly rip the strings one by one to let me lose my life? you know something? i've brought myself too far. too far to a point of no return. i feel worse than dying now. i feel like crying, but the tears are flowing in my heart. i ask for nothing, maybe if you could just take a minute to think of how would i feel if you were me, you would maybe...just maybe understand what is it like to be ripped apart deep inside. i would now certainly prefer death than living without a soul. what you did was like you looking into my eyes and telling me you want me to die. i think nothing in this world could compare to this kind of feeling. absolutely nothing.

May, 5th, 2005 Thursday

somehow it felt rotten when you are taken for granted. you felt like a complete idiot. you do things to make a clown out of yourself and still hope that what you did was worth it and ppl would appreciate it. what did i do wrong to deserve all these?

May, 2nd, 2005 Monday(11:33pm....)

is a holiday today. a long weekend for the past week. i'm getting a hang of it i think. for the situations i'm in i mean. i think it should be the way. one step at a time. its a better weekend this time round i think. didn't really get myself too wasted...or did i? ha. don't really understand what's the defination of being able to survive. its rather complex you see. survival to some, maybe be solely being able to stay alive, but to some, survival means more than breathing and exhaling, its about being able to control your destiny. thats why i say when we chose the path we had to walk, we are already controlling our destiny. but in whichever path you chose for yourself, you must have faith in yourself first, before even taking the first step.
took a good reflection at myself. i've seen what i've become. i've succumbed under the elements of stress. i don't see my good old self anymore. i've indeed seen the weaker side of me. i don't like that feeling at all. and i'm not going to sit and wait for miracles like you guys out there. i'm not going to whine about how tough life is anymore. yes, i do question. but sometimes, i already have the answer in my heart. i need nobody to tell me what to do anymore. i remember i don't used to be like this, this is not jerry. its just the devil thats trying to eat me up thats showing its form. i want my damn old self back, i want the confident me back, i want the happy me back. and i'm going to battle with whatever that hold me back from getting myself inplace. screw the rules in life. i am the rules.

May, 1st, 2005 Sunday(2:44am....)

i don't know how the hell did i still managed to login. i'm pretty wasted now. just don't feel good. just don't feel right. its like being short-changed of something...taken for granted for whatever reasons. this whole life of mine, i've been searching for reasons for every event that took place. but its this attitude that i sometimes got myself into some serious upset feeling. why do i have to keep on searching when there's no reason. why, am i still so hard headed. why, am i so reluctant to bow down to fate..... and why, i've got myself so fucking wasted week after week... why...i guess nobody would have the damn answer. i guess only the guy up high above know what i'm going through. and i hope he is not yet again playing some sick jokes on me....