July, 30th, 2005 Saturday

The stairs creak as you put one foot after another down in front of you. The faded grunts of exertion and the faint clang of bars and weight stacks are growing louder as you approach. The time will soon be at hand. The muscles underneath your skin shake as your mind fires the warning impulse into it. The pace of your heart is quickening… Your mind draws on the trauma of workouts in past days. That smell… There it is. It rushes up your nostrils. I never quite knew how to describe it, the sum of all the elements in the weight room rush into your senses. Fear. Excitement. Pain. Defeat. Victory. It's all there for you to breathe in. Walk through the doors. Don't sit… Don't catch up on current events… Don't fall in love. Get ready for TOTAL WAR. Breathe in everybody else's wasted energy. No, fuck that. Straight up take their energy from them. That is what I do. I scan the weight room as my energy fades, see the people standing around and doing nothing. See the waste, see the energy in the air, that could be yours. Feel the surge in your body as you prepare for war. There is no time to study, no time to say sorry, no time for half measures and talk. The only thing left to do is attack. He said, she said, they said… WHO GIVES A FUCK? Become what you need to be. Become wrath. Become a slave to your power. Become the master of demise, the DOOMSAYER.

July, 29th, 2005 Friday

Sometimes, to keep progressing, you have to go out of your way to humble yourself. Like some always said, "I don't compare myself to the people I see everyday--that is the best way to be the big dog in a small pound for the rest of my days". Screw that. You've gotta keep some damn perspective.



Step the fuck out of your comfort zone and put yourself in your place. You are only as good as the elements, people and places you surround yourself with; even if the 'succeeding in this lifetime' is only in your head… Will your acomplisments be some local stiffs or the best of the best? Only you can decide.

July, 24th, 2005 Sunday(3:11am....)

Most of the time, to me, things are easier said than done. Especially for person like me. I’ve always been the all or nothing type. It’s just who I am… love me or hate me. And it ain’t always a good thing. My heart is on my sleeve. With that sort of approach to life comes much heartache, hardship and disappointment. I also feel that it is the only way to be if you are to truly get what you want out of life.




Quite obviously, it is a double edged sword. It makes victory all the sweeter and loss totally devastating. It’s hot or cold, black or white. I’ve got no time or interest in lukewarm or gray. I’m “all in” from the flop. Either you are with me or against me. If I’m in your corner, I’ve got your back to the end. This mindset can make you the best friend, the best spouse, and the best teammate in the world. It can also set you up to be taken advantage of or taken for granted. You take for granted the axle that holds the wheels on your car, until that fucker snaps and you end up in a ditch on the side of the highway. My advice is live hard and die hard and love hard in between. Cuz tomorrow ain’t promised and today is slipping away...

July, 20th, 2005 Wednesday(11:44pm....)

pain; a state of physical, emotional, or mental lack of well-being or physical, emotional, or mental uneasiness that ranges from mild discomfort or dull distress to acute often unbearable agony, may be generalized or localized, and is the consequence of being injured or hurt physically or mentally or of some derangement of or lack of equilibrium in the physical or mental functions and that usually produces a reaction of wanting to avoid, escape, or destroy the causative factor and its effects.

and how would you define pain? to me, pain has taken its extreme measures on me, till pain become numb.
physical pain. i took it to the extreme. no physical pain has been able to put me down, not till now. Pain; I tore my ligament completely off from the thigh bone and shin bone, and I managed to limp all the way home. Pain; I plunged a german fillet knife right into my palm, I literally saw the flesh, blood and bone, wrap it with a towel with blood oozing out profusely and got myself to sew it up at a clinic without anesthetic. Pain; I broke my ribcage, I almost couldnt breathe, its just the damn bar and me. I still rep out heavy sets of bench till i felt it moving. Now tell me what is pain.

Ive been taking physical pain so well. never would I realise that I still loose the battle with emotional pain. it almost pushed me to the point of insanity, to the point of losing my soul. those pain, I really couldnt find enough words to describe them. I dont know how to take them, i dont know how to take the pain. I just couldnt summon enough energy to fight it. I am always losing. I bared all the faults and mistakes that wasnt mine, and still, i couldnt keep it from coming. time and again, you have to bring things to the extreme, you have to bring upon the pain. you inflict those excrutiating pain and got away everytime, leaving me wounded time and again. I dont know till which day, would I be awaken from my dreams that be it wide awake or dreaming, you are never there for me. your words, as though they were knives slashing mercilessly on my heart, your actions, as though kerosense, setting the flames and burning me alive. do you know how unbearable it was, i think you will never know.
you have to hurt me, you have to. time and again, time and again. what have i done to deserve this, i really could find no answer. Now please tell me how to deal with this pain....

July, 12th, 2005 Tuesday(12:01am....)

Strength lies in those who would not look away from truth

Just as I had predicted with my super psychic powers, Ms Yaokun had showed its petty gay instincts again by whining, cursing and calling me bad names in his totally sick and low class blog. But its all okay, I shall not be angry with a little girl like him.

Had been trying hard to get back to the old form of mine. did pretty well for the week before last, but not until last tuesday, where the hardcore weight heaving machine broke down. I literally threw out everything I ate on monday night. I was running a fever and felt horribly weak. It was a blow for me as I was gaining back the form and size, but thats just another sick joke that had to be played on me. someone just wanna nail me to the ground.

But I was unrelenting, I stuffed myself with protein and carbs on wednesday and not realising I was still having the disgesting problem, I felt fucking bloated. The worse thing was I couldnt train. I was just too bloated and and head grew heavy.



I eventually made myself rest till friday until I was able to meet my old friends again, the rusty dumbells....
didnt had a good pump though cos I was still pretty nutrient depleted. But I still managed to get some blood into the damn biceps and triceps.

So from all these shit things that happened, I have realised that I should never be a person to run between the rain drops. I had figured out that we all need to get a little wet from time to time. This world, is made of dust and water, diamonds and rocks. It is wonderfully ridiculous and supremely sublime, all at once.

This life... It's everything and it's nothing at the same time. It's beautiful and disgusting and that's pretty much okay. It's messy, it's nasty and lowdown, and that’s okay too. Damn. It's all okay. It's okay because all these elements have a distinct and necessary purpose in this realm, in this freaking world, and in our lives. You have to be willing to accept the dirt if you want the diamonds.

There is life and there is death and I know that my time will come too, and for me, that’s okay. Truly there are many, many wonders to behold in this world, but can there possibly be more wonderful than our own lives? To walk, run, swim, drive, even to fly… All we need do is simply conceive of these notions and then act them out. The wonders are part of the mundane. Wait… Are we onto something here? To think, to conceive, and then to act. This process is simply amazing.

I say this because the simplicity of the concept is so obvious, it often eludes even the most wise of us. The first step of any journey is the most difficult. It is also the most exciting. We come from dust but we can shape diamonds. Our bodies are fragile yet we push through pain and disability, through triumph and defeat. Our minds are cluttered, and yet we create beautiful objects and art. We are the underdogs of the universe, and we will beat back the shadow of our mortality with defiance and rage. We will fly forth with swarming energy and one resolve. We will not be forgotten… Strength lies in those who would not look away from truth. We are, we will be, and we must remain. Some of us will shine, but if it's all the same to you, I prefer to rust. Rage and focus be your guide. We will find our place my friend.

July, 1st, 2005 Friday

The Freaksville Five

Okay, its been sometime since I post something about bodybuilding. and can see each and everyone of you FreakyJerry wannabes coping with the addiction of my articles and pics. I laid off from bodybuilding for sometime and some reasons, but I'm making a quick come back so you assclowns woudn't be disappointed.

Amazingly, without all the protein, low Gi carbs, supplements, 8 meals a day, and balls to the wall training, my awesome physique still holds. I don't know why, but I think its the superior genetics I have. Don't blame me, don't even blame yourself, just put the bloody blame on your parents and fore fathers. Below are some sick freak routines if you assclowns(ie; yaokun, kangming) wanna be like me. okay yaokun I know, you would be complaining like a girl that you have abs, c'mon faggot, besides abs, the rest of your body looks like whats left in the toilet bowl after squatting from a terrible stomach upset. yeah....go ahead and whine...curse and swear....thats what a girl like you would do...



Thats me, your Mr Perfect. This snapshot was taken in the gym by one of my female fans using her lousy cell phone. She was caught red handed by me and only agreed to surrender me this pic after I gave her my sweaty gym towel with my autograph on it. She went totally berserk after I hand her the towel...........

This is the Freaksville Five....

Deadlift
Get up, get low and yank that bitch off the floor. The deadlift is as bare bones and as point blank as it gets. You think you're strong? Prove it. A bodybuilding staple born out of its powerlifting roots, the deadlift is no pretty boy exercise. It makes you strain and grit your teeth… It causes you to spit and curse… It beats you to a pulp and leaves you sore for days. Include a few sets of these back busters at the beginning or end of your next back session and witness their physique altering effects. Blasting the lumbars, lats, rhomboids, traps, glutes, hammies, abs, bis and forearms, the deadlift is simply too powerful a movement to ignore.

Squat
It takes a rare breed to stand up to adversity, to carry the weight of the world across your shoulders and rise to the occasion. The squat is the personification of the human struggle. Man conquering the elements, raw strength in its purest form. The human body must struggle to properly execute the squat while still being able to walk upright the next day. The muscle groups of the upper torso unite to support the loaded barbell--the ironclad union of the delts, traps, lats and arms work to lock the weight into place. The lower back and abs protect the core against the crushing weight above. The quads and hammies steady the weight as the descent begins. In the depths of the hole, the glutes initiate the explosion that sends the load skyward. At the top the quads fire on all pistons as the weight is squeezed to lockout. The grittiest of the hardcore the squat'll grow every inch of you.

Pullover
You say you wanna be thick assclowns? This is your exercise. Grab a meaty dumbbell and lay across a bench, placing your shoulders and neck on the pad. Holding it with both hands, and keeping your arms relatively straight, lower the dumbbell behind your head and focus on the massive stretch as it takes your breath away. Raise the dumbbell slowly until it is suspended perilously above your mug and contract every muscle in your torso. Upper pecs, lats, serratus, abs and tris, this overlooked sick movement tears down the house. Overlooked for far too long, dumbbell pullovers deserve their moment in the sun.

Bench
PressLike fighting against an elephant sitting on your chest, the bench press requires every ounce of effort the Animal can muster. You've got two options: push back or get pancaked. This sort of life or death struggle yields big results: a densely armored breastplate, with shelf-like upper pecs and lower pecs that are so thick and heavy that they fold over. Not to mention front delts that pop and ham hocks for triceps. You have to do them right, however, or they'll do you wrong. Bring it or don't bother benching at all. Screw the ego pressing of the halfwits in your hood, these bad boys must be done properly. Hold the weight at arms' length and control that shit. Lower the bar slowly and under control, like a spring being compressed. At the bottom explode out of the pit and drive towards the ceiling. Squeeze your pecs into lockout, envisioning juicing a grapefruit. Prioritize these on chest day and watch your pecs blow the fuck up.

Shrug
Nothing says power like big fucking traps, which most of you assclowns lack off, unlike me. For a movement with one of the shortest ranges of motion, the shrug pays huge dividends. Knotting yourself into a heaving ball of muscle, the shrug makes you appear to be growing even as you perform the exercise. Nothing short of all out effort can be tolerated with shrugs, which can be executed in a number of different fashions, standard barbell, behind the back barbell, dumbbell, all to the benefit of your overall physique. Blasting your traps, delts and forearms simultaneously, dedication to hardcore shrugging over time will make it appear that your head is simply sitting directly atop gigantic traps. Screw it, having a neck is overrated any damn way.

There you have it assclowns, the Freaksville Five. Do it and don't you whine.